Monday, September 16, 2013

I ran 10 miles yesterday.

That is the craziest thing for me to say/type.  It's still a little surreal for me, I think...even though my legs are quick to remind me today that it, in fact, did happen.

When I started this 1/2 marathon training program back in July, ten miles seemed super far away and an impossible task. 

I remember running our usual route one Saturday.  It was my 1st day of 1/2 training.  I was suppose to run five miles that day.  I just remember thinking how impossible that five miles felt and wondering how in the world I was ever going to accomplish 13.1 if five was so hard.

Before my 1st 10 miler.

I know I've mentioned this before in previous running running time is my Jesus time.  It's the time when I can have alone time with Jesus.  My day is filled {exactly as I wished} with my kids' needs and wants.  My night is interrupted by a baby who doesn't sleep through the night yet.  Trying to find alone time is nearly impossible.  Thankfully running covers my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual is my alone time and as my training continues, my alone time with Jesus grows.

So this particular day, I decided to just let God take control of my training.  I determined that anything over my usual 5K would not be my own doing.  I could easily run a 5K, but I had tried so many times before to run more than that and train for a 1/2...only to injure myself or just give up.  I've never been able to do it on my own.

I told God that if he would just help me get through this training and this race that I've committed to doing, I would give all the glory of my success to Him.  I need Him to run with me and push me to accomplish my goal. Otherwise...I'll just give up.

That first five miles was amazing....and all the conviction I needed to know that I needed to invite Jesus to run with me every time I hit the pavement.

Yesterday, two months after that 5 mile run, I did something I never thought I would ever do.  I ran 10 miles.  That's double digits, y'all.  That's just over two hours {for slowpoke me}.

What?! Two hours! Ten miles! I went from one small town, through another, to the city limits of yet another town, and back again in one big TEN MILE loop! I ran in three different towns yesterday! I *went to town* on my feet!


Running is such an emotional experience for me. I cry about it all the time...before, during, after. Just thinking about how *far* emotionally running has brought me.  I cried at mile 7 when I realized I only had a 5K left to finish.  I cried at 9.75 miles when I realized that I was actually going to make it...and when I finished, I was only just 5K away from running a 1/2. I cried on the way home, thinking about how far I've made it so far.

This time, last fall, I was a hot mess.  I've shared this story before...Joshua was just a few months old, I was getting very little sleep, the hubs was working out of town, I had lost a couple of things that were super important to me, I was depressed, angry, bitter...and I couldn't run to save my life.  I lost everything I had built up before my pregnancy.  I could barely go a half mile down the road before I gave up and cried my way home. 

I wanted to bad to run but I just couldn't.  I had all these anger issues welling up inside of me.  And I started to hate running.

Thankfully, the Run for God program was put in front of me.  And thankfully I was put in charge of leading the group...because I can tell you, had I not been one of the group leaders, responsible for showing up and leading these other people on their own running journey, I would have quit within the first couple of weeks.

As it was, I withdrew and basically turned the group over to the hubs who was the other leader.  I wanted nothing to do with it. I fought it for weeks.  I wanted to stay angry and wallow in my self-pity and depression, but this program just wouldn't allow it. 

Having to stick with this program drug me out of anger, bitterness, depression.  All of it.  I had to face it and deal with it so I could continue running.

As the weight of this junk I was holding on to began to fall off, my love of running started to come back.  I was able to go those short distances without physical and emotional pain.

Yesterday was exactly one year and one week since that first day of Run for God.  Bo and I are leading two Run for God groups this fall, and I'm all in this time.  I believe in this program so much now. 

....and yesterday.  I ran 10 miles.  I went from hating life and running and everything in general to running and believing again.

Jesus runs with me every time I go out.  He is my running partner.  He never disappoints...always shows up and always encourages. This is all HIM.  He has gotten me this far and I know He will continue to push me toward my 1st 1/2 marathon in less than two months.

This half marathon training has reminded me that we only need to be willing to do the possible, and leave the impossible to God.  For me, running a half is an impossible task.  Turning my training over to Him makes it possible. 

I'm so thankful.  I just can't even begin to express how thankful I am to my Jesus who cares so much about me that He would make my small dream of running a reality. 

It's a wonderful lesson that ALL things...big or small, important or not-so-important...are possible through Jesus Christ.  If it's a big deal to us, it's a big deal to Him. 

And if He is so interested in making our little dreams come true, how much more interested is he in the BIG dreams of our world?   If all it took to make big changes in our world was to step out in faith and say "God, I'm going to do what I can and I know you'll show up to use that in a HUGE way."

After my 10 mile run.

No comments:

Post a Comment